Just watching the birds

Hungry chickadee at Mendon ponds park.
Watching for birds....

Refuge for injured birds called Wild Wings at Mendon ponds park.

Our family recently had a nice adventure at Mendon ponds park feeding chickadee's and checking out the birds at the Wild Wings sanctuary. Wild Wings houses and cares for over 20 permanently injured birds of prey. Such beautiful birds!! Right now they are also caring for a bobcat that someone had cruelly caught and declawed to sell in the black market animal trade. The entire facility (which is small) is stroller friendly; perfect for everyone!! Our favorite was a little owl but he looked scared so I did not take a picture. To learn more about these birds visit

http://www.wildwingsinc.org/

Its almost March!!!

February

It's been one of those weeks that make me feel like screaming and then screaming some more. Did I say week? I meant one of those months.... I should title this post " I HATE FEBRUARY". Dear Grey and dreary February, f-off and take Valentines Day with you. I am just reminded how lonely I feel sometimes and how much I miss sunshine and that the overly marketed diamonds and roses will NOT make it all better. But maybe dark chocolate and dark beer......... ;-)

SO now I feel better after getting that off my chest. I promise no more angry ranting on this post just a few random stories from February....

Strangers

For about a month Ella greeted Wayne after work with the mournful statement, " Will's balloon blew away." Apparently watching a balloon float away is traumatic for a two year old. So one day the twins and I were at wegmans in search of a snazzy new replacement balloon to make the world "right again" in my daughters eyes. We finally found the perfect heart shaped balloons; red and silver with glitter to catch William's eye. Mission accomplished...... accept for the super chatty cashier that was eyeing William in such a way that I knew questions were coming. I try to be an advocate for my son so that people might understand disabilities better but on this day, on our balloon search, I just was not in the mood. Regardless of my mood; the questions came.

Cashier- " wow, I have never seen a seat like that before" (he was in his special tomato chair). He sure is sleepy....... it's not a usual nap time."

I quickly explained that the chair was from a specialty catalog for kids who had low muscle tone and could not sit up on their own.

Cashier -" Well, he does walk right?? "

Me- "No"

Cashier-" But does he at least talk?"..............

Me- "no, but he does communicate with body language and other vocalizations."

Cashier-" oh, well...... will he ever talk or walk......what will he be able to do?"

Me- " I don't know but he is healthy and content most of the time."

Cashier- " Well, you know my daughter had delays and received early intervention services. She is "OK" now but my family always accused me of being on drugs while I was pregnant."

Me- " that must have been offensive. Sometimes we have no control over what happens even though we are healthy during our pregnancies."

She smiled and wished us luck. I grabbed the balloons and escaped to my car where I could be alone and not answer questions that I don't know the answers to. I still think about her though. Complete strangers asking ourselves the same questions; what happened and why . So, in May Wayne and I are going to pursue further genetic testing...... maybe we will actually have some answers. Wish us luck.....

...............................................

My favorite post office is a quaint little place in Fishers on the way to my parents home. The building is quiet and there is usually no line. This week I was stuck behind a man who apparently had a lot to mail. So while waiting I spotted a worn little newspaper clipping hung on the wall that said, " talk to those you are in line with" so I did just that. I found out that he has three boys who are teens and "oh, how quickly they grow up." We made small talk about our kids and then as he was about to leave he said,

" Well, I can see you have healthy kids and that is all that matters .... you are lucky."

Part of me wanted to retaliate and tell this stranger,

"you have no idea... my son is very delayed ..... don't tell me what matters."

Yet, on the drive home I began thinking how right he was. My children are alive, healthy, happy and that really is what matters. I am indeed very lucky to have them in my life. William may be delayed but I love him regardless of what his abilities may be.

Now a few days have passed and I am feeling angry and bitter that William requires a level of care much like an infant. That he can't move himself and I have to reposition him so often through out the day that my body aches. That feeding him takes 45 minutes to an hour and he wants to eat every three hours. I want to shout, "this is NOT ok..... it's not ok for a little boy to not be able to move himself or feed himself." I feel such hot and intense anger until I remind myself of that conversation with the stranger in the post office. That William is healthy and at home. We have a special kind of love and I CAN do this and so the pity party ends.

Thats all for now.

and then he bit me.......

William and I were not seeing eye to eye today and when push came to shove..... he bit me. Usually I pick him up and carry him with his face by my shoulder; he nuzzles and kisses me and we get along just fine. Today, for the very first time, he nuzzled into that spot right between my neck and shoulder and took a little bite. I was taken completely by surprise but knew exactly why he did it. All morning I had been cranky, lacking patience, and in general just miserable to be around. I spoke harshly to him when he did not deserve it. The poor boy has been teething for weeks and mad as hell about it. He had finally had enough and he was going to tell me all about it......by taking a bite out of me.! So we made a truce; I stopped snapping at him and he stopped bitting me and the day passed by a little more smoothly. ;-)

Happy New Year

The first photo of 2010- Ella with her frosty.....
The twins and I were very happy to spend lots of time with Aunt Ame who was visiting from Colorado..........
William practices in his new gait trainer called the Pony!!!

It's back to our "everyday life" now that the Holiday season is over and the last of the visiting relatives have left town. It was wonderful to see my sister and cousin visiting from out of town and to spend time with family. Already I miss them. Yet I feel a sense of calm now that the Holidays are over and I am actually eager to settle back into our normal routine. I am content to be alone for a few hours a day. In fact I am that type of person who needs my alone time; for reflection and quiet. I need alone time just as much as I enjoy being with people. Its all about balance which of course is much harder while raising children :-)

The past few months have been difficult for me emotionally for various reasons. Wayne and I took a much needed break in late December to celebrate our 6th wedding anniversary. The twins stayed with their fantastic Grandma!! (Thank you Mom ! ) During that trip I was able to sort of recollect myself and have some alone time in the beautiful Adirondack mountains. Uninterrupted alone time with Wayne was also very nice. We did some skiing and ate lots of hot meals in cozy pubs. My favorite pub, in lake placid, had beautiful stained glass windows and a huge cobblestone fireplace. I could have stayed there for hours warming by the fire and drinking Ubu, lake placids very own rich and tasty beer.

When Wayne and I returned home Christmas was upon us and William was sick. We had to take him to the emergency room the day after Christmas for illness and alarming seizures. As always it was scary and stressful going to the ED but everything turned out alright. So needless to say it has taken me another week or so to get back to "normal". William is doing well but seems to be fighting off yet another cold.

So as for making New Years resolutions; I am determined to be stronger emotionally and physically. I have started a workout plan to build muscle and keep myself strong to lift William and hopefully getting into better shape will also help with emotional well being. Hopefully....

Cheers to a happy and healthy new year my fellow bloggers :-) Be strong.

A train ride to bring in the Holiday Season

An attempt to get a family photo on Thanksgiving day.
My train loving family...
The twins and pose with their friend Charlie

Our family had quiet Thanksgiving with Grandma and Grandpa. I feel very thankful this year for my family and good health. William and Ella are doing well fighting off small colds with no major illness. William has picked up many colds but none have put him in the hospital like they did last winter. This may be due to having his adenoids removed; which we did last May.

This weekend we took the twins on their first train ride. Ella loves watching Thomas the train and had been asking to ride " a big one" for awhile. She was thrilled!! William stayed awake the entire hour and a half ride; listening very intently. Both Wayne and I were surprised at how much he enjoyed the ride. He was so excited that he was arching his back the entire time and was somewhat difficult to hold on our laps!! Not too long ago he would fall asleep whenever we went out on "adventures". I think for him to stay awake in public places and to be excited about what is going on around him is a major cognitive milestone!!

So the entire family enjoyed the train ride; it was a nice way to close the month of November and welcome the Holiday season. I am enjoying each Holiday with the twins; everything is so new and magical for them which makes everything seem that much more wonderful.......

Every Guy needs a good Recliner...

Wayne having some cuddle time with Ella and William. Other than a few colds the twins have been healthy and happy this Fall. Hopefully this trend of good health will continue through the winter. To help keep William more upright while napping we bought a child sized recliner at BJ's wholesale club. With a few simple modifications, some rolled blankets and fleece blanket, the chair is a perfect fit! He loves it. William now has some excellent equipment for optimal positioning which is important in all aspects of his life. He plays in a special tomato chair, bears weight on his legs in a stander, and still eats in his Kimba chair. More pictures to come...... Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Flowing

After that last alarming blog post I should let everyone know that I am ok.....

Life continues to flow on and I am paddling away trying to keep up with the current. Somedays are much much easier than others. Today there is a brilliant blue sky and the sun is actually shining; I feel good and laugh easily. Thanks Jamie and Caitlin for the laughter :-) So hang in there fellow blog readers; life goes on and I intend to enjoy it.