Now as a mother I still think of that family often. I know that I will be caring for William his entire life. He is making progress, small things that I am proud of, yet I am a realist. I try to take one day at a time but my mind occasionally wonders ahead. When I first was told the severity of William's brain scan and outlook I balked at the idea of having to care for him into adulthood. Wayne and I would say that our lives were over that we didn't think we could do it and then lapse into depressed silence. Two years have passed and part of me is still selfishly clinging to my old dreams but love has changed me. William has changed me and I am thankful just to have him with me.
The truth is this: I am selfish and yet I am not, I want more for William and for myself. I want William to live a full life with love, joy, new experiences, exploration, everything I have had and more. How will he do these things if he is not able to walk, talk, see, or even care for himself. How will I give him the care he needs without losing myself? Life is unpredictable and I don't have answers.
The truth is that I am in love with my son and this love carries and strengthens me. Love for my son changes my outlook and makes all things possible.