Saturday, January 15, 2011

I have been very introspective lately; lapsing into long silences and deep thought. Which would be a valuable process if the end result was a stronger self-posession and a firmer resolve. Self Possession defined in the Dictionary: calm, confident, and in control of one's feelings; composed. Nope....not by a long stretch. My thoughts veer towards worry; "stewing" as my husband calls it and entirely unproductive.

Today I broke loose; got in the car and drove to one of my favorite places. Hundreds of trees; oaks and evergreens, mounds of snow, and silence....lovely, thick, silence. In The Woods my thoughts seem to slow down and settle like a new fallen snow in the sunlight. My imagination sparks to life; worry turns productive. It's always been this way for me; a strong sense of place. Somewhere I need to be to make sense of things. I feel the same way when standing with my feet buried in sand; watching waves on the ocean.... calm.

Wayne said, "go" and so I did and I took the dogs. He took the kids. I walked and walked in the cold until I was ready to go back and prepare for our upcoming week. On Tuesday I am taking William to see a Gastroenterologist at Strong hospital. GI is of the opinion that if the Ketogenic diet is causing reflux I should simply take him off it. I am not of this opinion because the diet does seem to be doing its purpose; decreasing seizures. So I must go to the appointment well prepared and ready to advocate. On Wednesday I am having personal surgery/surgical biopsy at Highland hospital. I want answers and they come with a small price. I can handle this challenge though; of this I am now certain.

"The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep."
- Robert Frost


  1. Oh Erin, I am glad you found peace today! I wish I could take away our worries and pain. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers!